Thursday, January 11, 2007

VSTC/SQL Minds co-conspirators in Bahamas social event

Andrea Hagen (pronounced.. with some affection ahn-dray-a) was wed in a lavish ceremony in the Bahamas. Remember, David Hagen and his ex-yoga instructor NOW NEW WIFE (and ex-VP of Marketing for Gatelinx/Gatelinx Global/GTXC and head of SMS Prayer) Keri Keenan-Hagen-DeFusco (I can bet Annette is thrilled) fled to the bahamas.. well they hosted the whole family.

Grandpa Roy flies out from La Jolla, Derek Hagen and his girlfriend Julia, Annette Hagen flies in from Southern Pines, Peter Schreiner (David's oldest and ONLY friend growing up.. and documented co-conspirator here in this blog) and David's slimeball brother Mark was there too.

By the way, Mark can be reached at (858) 459-8480

Anyway.. a good time was had by all. First class all the way. Limo's, private first class at paradise island fireworks and more. ALL PAID FOR WITH THE MONEY HAGEN HAS SCAMMED (with the help of Ed Ovsenik, Mark Brecher, Ivan Ivanov and Curtis Garth.. plus the others already in jail)

Read this post in Derek Hagen's myspace blog (Derek's myspace name is "I'm Extreme Bitch".. upgraded from his old name "I'm the Juggernaut Bitch")

Here's the blog entry.. notice Annette getting so hammered she's passed out! blah blah blah. And Hagen, with the help of Ivan, Ed, et al., is loving every minute of it.

Sorry for putting in the paragraph breaks... it was just too tedious to read without them. Apprently Derek and his sense of entitlement (plus his love of twinkies) does not carry over to basic english language and grammar.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Andie's Wedding: The Full Story
If you are not into reading a long story, move on to my review of Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. I actually don't think more then a handful of you will read this, even less read all of it. I think it is more so I can write it down while it is still fresh in my mind, so I can look back on it later.
The journey started on January 1st. The night before, Julia and I were out late singing and partying at The Idiot Box for New Years. My best memories of that night were singing Tom Petty with Steve and not embarrassing myself in the longform musical (even though I sang about corpses). That morning, we had to wake up early because we needed to be at the airport by 9:30 but it was an hour and a half drive away. The car ride was pretty uneventful. Julia put on her christian rock mix cd, and I told her everytime I heard the name Jesus, I was going to pull out my penis. I fell asleep before the name was spoken.We parked our car in the daily parking lot, and started heading for the airport. Just our luck, none of the buses came to the part of the parking lot that we parked in, so we had to walk the quarter mile up to the terminals. We got through sercurity just fine, but then I had to use the restroom. I walk in, and the smell was horrific. Then, the only open stall, someone took a dump all over the toilet seat. As I turned around to just use the urinal, there was a man, shirt pulled up and penis over the top of his pants infront of me. He was just standing there, looking at his weiner. Karma for my penis/music threat? You decide.

We finally got to our terminal. I bought some magazines for us (Julia US Weekly and me SHOCK!, which had a funny section on celebs falling down), and Julia played her Brain Age game. While waiting on our flight, I noticed something very interesting. The golfcart transportation things in the airport make different sounds. There were some that sounded like a dump trunk backing up with the beeep...beeep...beeep, while there were others that sounded like a metal detector near a coin with the bep bep bep bep bep. Very interesting.Finally we boarded the plane. My dad got us first class seats for the two hour flight. We were seats 1A and 1B, which was really nice because those are the first class of the first class cause nobody seats infront of you so you can put your feet up. As they start doing the safety demo, Julia leans into me to tell me something. I notice the flight attendant staring at her, so I point it out. As Julia looks up at her, the woman says with an attitude, "Thank you for your attention...". Oh, it was on now. This flying waitress was not about to talk down to my girlfriend, in first class no less. Later on, when she came back by to get our drink orders, I asked for a Diet Coke. Here is how it went down:
BITCH: Here is your Diet Coke
ME: Diet? I asked for a regular Coke. What are your trying to say?
BITCH: What?
ME: You have no right to put your views on me. I am happy with my weight!
BITCH: No no sir-ME: -No no ma'am! I am sorry that my apperiance is so disgusting to you!BITCH: Sir, you asked for a Diet-
ME:-Oh, I know I did. I was just kidding. Thank you for your attention....

For the rest of the trip, she did not ask us if we wanted anything else, which is good for her, since I saw those 45% reduced fat chips in her cart.

Customs into the Bahamas was no problem, except they didn't give us the form to get into the country on the plane, so we had to fill it out there. As we walked out of the airport, we saw my dad waiting for us. He took us to his house, which is where Julia and I stay at for the first two days of our trip. Only a couple days before, I learned that my father remarried in a secret ceremony, not telling any of my family, with his new girlfriend that he left my mother for about a year ago. Carrie, whihc is my new mother in law name, and Dad just tied the knot only about a few weeks before. They said their reason was so that they didn't because they didn't want to overshadow my sisters, Andrea's, wedding. Though, Carrie was originally not allowed at the wedding, but now, since she is our mother in law, my dad convinced Andie to let her come.When we got to the house, we said hello to my old pet cats, Sal and Annie, and Dad and Carrie made us a late lunch. I had a turkey sandwich and Julia had peanut butter and swiss cheese on Triscuits. I gave Dad his christmas gift, which was a DVD called The Promise, which was made by the guys who made Crouching Tiger. After that, Julia and I went and took a nap in the guest house until dinner. The guest house was really cool. Think of a circus tent shape. Now, inside is just one huge room with a bed, mini kitchen, sitting area, and so on. There is a seperate room for the bathroom, but in all, it is just two rooms.

After our two hour nap, Julia, Dad, Carrie, and I went out to dinner. I can't remember the name of the place, but it was really good Bohemian food. I ate conch fritters and grouper fingers. During dinner, we talked about my Dad's current plans on how to take over the world and his trips to Africa. After dinner, we headed back to the house and watched The Promise. Now, while Dad didn't like it too much, I really enjoyed it. I think if I was 14, it would probably have been my fav movie of all time. It was almost more like watching a video game then a movie. After the movie ended, I woke up Julia and we went to bed. Wow, what a long day.

The next morning, Carrie woke Julia and I up at around 10. We got ready, and were greeted by a gecko sitting right inside the bathroom and an anole right outside the guest house door. We went to the main house and ate pancakes and bacon (which Carrie burned to a golden black). Next, Julia and Carrie went out to do some errands and Dad and I hit the gym.

I have been to the gym with my dad in over 4 years, but I told myself that I was going to try and keep up with him. We did Bi's and Tri's. My dad is an animal. In almost every excerise, he was lifting the whole stack of weights. I kept up kinda good, but my the last reps, I was seeing starts and almost blacking out. After that, Dad and I went and picked up sandwiches and headed back to the house to eat lunch with the girls. I had myself a ham club and Julia had a melted bree cheese sandwich. Then, Julia and I sat down and watched some GSN. Andie, my sister, called and we made plans to have lunch with her the next day around 1pm. Eventually, Julia left with Carrie to go on some more errands and I fell asleep. When I woke up, Julia and Carrie just got back, and within an hour, it was time to go to dinner.

We ate at a place called Indigo. As you can guess, everything was blue. I had myself some raviolis and julia had the lobster. The only things I really remember about the dinner is there was a woman wearing a very strange outfit sitting at the table near us, and Julia telling Dad, "I figured it out, you think you are funny..." That's my girl!

After dinner, we went back to the house. We looked at pictures of Dad's trip to Africa and all the cool stuff he saw. I mean, he actually saw a pack of lions attack and eat an animal less then 100 feet away from him, and had the pictures to prove it. After picture time, we ate ice cream and watched tv until it was time for bed. Tomorrow is my dad's b-day!

Carrie, the night before, told us to be ready to go around 9 so that we could go on a glass bottom boat ride with my dad for his birthday before we had to check in to the Atlantis and have lunch with Andie. We set the alarm for 8. We woke up, got ready, and waited. 9:30 rolled around, so Julia and I decided to head up to the main house. Both Dad and Carrie were gone. I called my dad's cellphone, and he said they were on their way back home. Around 10, they get back, and we found out from Carrie that she forgot to check the boat times, so she would right then.

Julia and I found ourselves watching TV again, and we came across the best channel ever. It was called Nick GAS, and it was all the old gameshows from my childhood such as Legends of the Hidden Temple and GUTS. Suddenly, my cellphone rang, and it was Andie. She asked if we were ready for lunch. It was already 1pm! I told her that I would get dad to take us to the Atlantis to check in ASAP where she was. I also found out that mom "forgot" the gift I asked her to bring for dad for his birthday, which was a small japanese statue that she kept when they broke up that he loved alot.

We finally got to the Atlantis resort, and Dad checked us in. After that, we found my sister and my mom in the lobby of the hotel. They actually saw us come in, but my mom didn't want to see my dad, so they both hid. We went and ate at the Atlas, which I think has the best burgers on the island. Halfway through the meal, both my mom and my sister left, and we were left with my grandma and her boyfriend, who we crossed paths with on the way to eat.

After lunch (which took forever), we walked around, checked out the comedy club, but eventually ended up in mom's room. Both Andie and Mom were in there, finishing wedding baskets, and both in very bad stressed moods. Everyone who was coming to the wedding came that afternoon, and alot of people had their rooms bumped around because the World Poker Tour were in the hotel. As the night rolled on, we ordered room service, got an in-room movie (The Prestige, which was awsome), and then we went back to our room and went to bed.

The next morning, we had a huge brunch with all the people from the wedding. This was also Andrea's birthday (but she already opened the gift I got her before christmas). I met alot of Kevin's (Andie's fiance) family, and saw some of my family members I hadn't seen in years. Food was pretty gross, though the lady who made my omlette guessed what I wanted in it perfectly. After breakfast, we were all going to go down into the dig (underwater walkthrough with fishes all around you) but everyone just kinda went and did their own thing. Eventually, Julia and I met up with more family members down by the pool, and found a sign that said "Walk with the Sharks"....more about that later.

Around 4, it was time to get ready for the rehersal and dinner with the bridal party after. Since I only brought 1 bag of clothes (and it was a carry on), I had to wear my tuxedo pants and the white collar shirt since it was dress up. I did buy a pastel yellow tie with pastel blue flowers on it to wear with it though. It was so bad looking. I also bought Brian O'Sullivan's b-day gift. When we arrived at where my sister is to be married, it was beautiful. There were old ruins at the top of a hill with steps down to a wedding area right next to the ocean. We practiced for about 45 minutes, and then it was time for dinner.

We ate at a place called The Dunes at Ocean Club. I sat at the table w/ my dad, carrie (since my mom had to be seperated from them), Julia, and kevins parents. I love kevins parents. We had a blast talking about movies, fishing, and comedians of old during the whole meal. The food was alittle too fancy for me, so I really didn't enjoy it. After dinner, we went to a place called Taj Mahal for Andrea's surprise birthday party. The rest of the wedding party was there. This is also where I first saw my grandpa roy (who I love to death), and my dad's childhood friend peter, who I always saw as kinda an cool uncle. There was alot of drama going on between my mom and carrie, so when Julia said she was feeling sick, I was pretty ready to go home (she also puked all over the side of the limo as we pulled into Atlantis). We watched the movie Open Season, and went to bed, ready for the wedding the next day.

We woke up to my sister calling the room at about 10am, telling Julia that if she wants to get her hair and make-up done with the rest of the brides-maids, come up to her room when she can (even though the wedding wasn't until 5pm). But, there was one thing I wanted to do today before thinking about the wedding. Remember that sign "Walk with the Sharks"? Oh yea!Julia at first was really upset at me that I wanted to do this. She said I was crazy, but I convinced her to atleast come down to the shark tank and ask them how dangerous it was. When we got there, a family of 5 was about to go down, including 2 kids under 15. Julia asked the lady how dangerous it was, and she said not at all cause the bahaman reef sharks just ate 120 lbs of fish. She told us to watch the safety demo with the family that was about to go down. After watching that, and the 12 year old in there not scared, Julia decided that she would do it with me. I asked the lady if we could go, but she told us that there was a 3 day wait, and we were leaving tomorrow, but I asked her, since we already watched the safety demo, could we go quick after this last group. After asking the divers, she said that it would be ok.As I put on the underwater helmet to go down, suddenly it filled up with water. The guy said try again. Went down again, this time I was about 5 feet under, suddenly, it filled up again. I climb up the ladder so fast (cause the helmet weighs about 80 lbs and I can't swim with it on), and gasped for air. The guy said try again. I said no. My luck is that I would be 30 feet down with the sharks next time and it would fill up. The guys said that my chest was too big (kind way to say I was too fat) foir the helmet, and he refunded my 100 dollars.

Next up was Julia. At first, she refused to do it if I wasn't, but in the end, after I asked her to do it for me, she agreed. It was so cool watching her down there from outside the tank. She was smiles the whole time. She even saved a fish from being trapped under a grate. She is my brave little girl, but I am sooo jealous of her skinny'ness. They took lots of pictures that should be up online soon, so I am sure Julia will add it as her new profile pic when they do.

After that, it was time to get ready for the wedding. Julia went with the girls, and I met up with the guys at Kevin's room. We got our tuxedos on, and headed to the wedding. By the time we got there, everyone was there but the girls, even my uncle mark was there who I haven't seen in like 6 years. We got into our possitions and the wedding started.

Minute I saw my little sister wearing that wedding dress, I started to cry. It messed my mind up seeing my lil sissy getting married. The whole thing was beautfiul, even though the preacher started with an advertisement for "I Do: Wedding Planning". The best part was right as they said, You are now husband and wife, fireworks went off in the background, which I found out later from my dad cost 3000 dollars (which is probably what my whole wedding will cost).

The reception after was also wonderful. It was done at the world famous GreyCliff. The food was still alittle fancy for me though. One of the best parts of the night was when Julia danced with my father. After Andie's best friend and Kevin's brother Keeth (who is now one of my fav people in the whole world) were done with their heartwarming speeches, the wedding planner came up to me and asked if I could lighten the mood with a joke. I is what I said:

"Ummm....hello?....uh....My name is Derek....for those who don't know me....uhhh...I am Andrea's brother. I was asked to come up here, and say a joke. Well, uhh...for people who know me...they know I am not funny...I am really heart is beating really fast...bum bump bum bump bum bump....uhhh....yeah. All I can think to say is what my grandfather told me when I was a little kid. I think it sums up the night well. A Pelican's beak.....can hold more...then it's belly can."

Then I just handed off the mike. In the 60 person party, about 10 people laughed, 30 people looked in confusion, and about 20 looked at me as if I said the most insightful thing they ever heard. After dinner, the limo took over an hour to pick us up. During this time, I took a dump and my mom ripped out the panel in a golfcart so she could hotwire it. When we got back to Atlantis, most of the wedding party went to the Dragon dance club, but since we had to get up early in the morning for our flight, we went back to our room, watched South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut, and went to sleep. Oh yea, Julia lost my phone.My mom told Julia and I the night before to bring by anything she would want her to send to us the next morning. At around 8:30am, after we packed and were ready, we called mom's room. No answer. We called again. No answer. We called 6 more times. No answer. We went to her room and pounded on the door. No answer. By this point I am starting to freak out. I got security to open the door. She had the chain on the door, so it meant she was in there. I screamed into the room. No answer. Now I am totally freaking out. I go upstairs to get my sister for support. She is totally calm and comes down and tells me and Julia to check the sliding door since she was on the bottom floor. Julia checked and they were both locked but by one, she could see her sleeping. Julia started pounding on the glass, saying "Please mama wake up", and she did! She was very drunk and hungover from the night before and told me to get the poop. Oh yea, Julia found my cellphone.

So, Dad picked us up from Atlantis, and Julia, me, and Grandpa Roy (who was on the same flight as us before he took a flight from Charolette to San Diego) went to the airport and said fairwell to Nassau. All in all, I really didn't have the best time, as you could probably tell, but it was nice to see people like my dad and grandpa roy and all. I am really tired cause this took so long to type (all day with breaks for Idiot Box practice and eating and tv), so good night, my friends.

This gives a new meaning to the term "dysfunctional". Of course, FELON and SCAMMER and INDICTMENT all have the same name of Ivanov, Ovsenik, Brecher, Garth, Keenan AND HAGEN.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

DUDE! Stop putting up links and stuff. Now the devils spawn derek has take his myspace "private" so we can't see and laugh at his big bloated oblivious ass. Annette and David must be proud. A daughter who is a dilletante. And a son who is a loser. Will they come visit David's ass in prison do you think?

4:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The big question is, were Ivan and Ed there? We know Curtis Garth was a lackey car salesman, but Ed and Ivan are smack in the middle of this scam. You'd think, just like on the sopranos and stuff, that all the conspirators would be invited to pay homage to "don" defusco. Howell Woltz would have been there, but he's already in jail. Nice work exgtx

5:27 AM  
Blogger ex-GTX said...

I don't know if Ed and Ivan attended. I agree with you though, that you would have thought so. Maybe this is why the sales of stock were way up (volume wise) before the wedding, and then nothing after. Maybe they were financing the trip and gift? :-) Either way, those two (Ed Ovsenik and Ivan Ivanov) are going to jail

5:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Look at this, all. They have really sealed their fate a while ago. This spending and open and flagrant display is not going to add more charges when it all comes down. THEY KNOW THAT PART! BUT, when it comes to Sentencing Enhancement(s), the behavior will hit them hard and heavy. Never expect more than grunts from Pigs and these PIGS are grunting real loud. They will be squealing, both at the stake AND on each other, real soon.

Way to go, EXGTX!! Every showing you make will add another nail. Add to that, there is no cross visiting from one prison to another. BUT, keep in mind: maybe they are simply planning for conjugal visits!!! They really are "The Gang that can't shoot straight"!!

Richard Bennett

7:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"spending and open and flagrant display"

Through the grape vine (weddings always cause an info leak, everyone's happy, off-gaurd and drunk).

The name of David Hagens new yacht................................................."Ali Babba". (the info is that it cost around 300K)

Yep, this arrogant twit and now self proclaimed King-of-thieves knows what he is, knows what he's done and shoves it in everyone's face. It's just sorting out the 40 thieves list now...

2:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My baloney has a first name.

5:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It's V-S-T-C-Stock"

Wow you're easy to draw out...

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, Shame the public Hagen memoirs have gone private...Are there any other family members so open to humiliation and jives?

I just wanted to share my favorite parts with you; here are the highlight I chose...

"Julia put on her christian rock mix cd, and I told her every time I heard the name Jesus, I was going to pull out my penis." (A sentence filled with charm and intellect)

"Only a couple days before, I learned that my father remarried in a secret ceremony, not telling any of my family, with his new girlfriend that he left my mother for about a year ago. Carrie, whihc is my new mother in law name, and Dad just tied the knot only about a few weeks before. "(FANTASTIC use of spelling and I believe when your father marries another lady AFTER you mother she becomes your "STEP mother" NOT mother in law, that would be your WIFE's mother” If you by some chance ever get married.)

". My dad is an animal." (This is one sentence Said by his own son...)

"During dinner, we talked about my Dad's current plans on how to take over the world and his trips to Africa." (Something I intend to do with my kids, brings tears to the eyes)

"Ummm....hello?....uh....My name is Derek....for those who don't know me....uhhh...I am Andrea's brother. I was asked to come up here, and say a joke. Well, uhh...for people who know me...they know I am not funny...I am really heart is beating really fast...bum bump bum bump bum bump....uhhh....yeah. All I can think to say is what my grandfather told me when I was a little kid. I think it sums up the night well. A Pelican's beak.....can hold more...then it's belly can."
(Bad enough that you would say this at ALL, worse in front of someone, worse STILL more than one, but to put it down in writing and let the remaining people in your life read it?...What is wrong with you? I am embarrassed on your behalf)

"During this time, I took a dump and my mom ripped out the panel in a golf cart so she could hotwire it. When we got back to Atlantis, most of (need I embellish on this one? I think it speaks for itself)

Anyway just thought I would pick out my favorite parts. There was so much more to choose from but I didn’t want to take up too much space. It was an interesting read.

5:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

to everyone who might want a little more info on Annette & it up & i'll contact you via email.

11:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is one of the saddest things I've ever read.

4:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who wrote "Saddest"? Did you mean "SADIST" as in "EVIL" Or did were you more in the thought of "Pathetic"? Well this example of a diluted "Gene Pool" is definately a warning about the horrors of "INBREEDING"? AND having intimate relationships with "PIGS" in their own private cesspool.

AND....PASSPORT requirements for Bermuda? That should be entertaining, to say the least!!

Hello all, I'm BAACCCCKKKK!!

Richard Bennett

5:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

pathetic, definitely meant pathetic

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Derek said" his chest was to big" when diving. Well Derek, your big "Chest" will be magnificent "Breasts" when they lock your sorry ass up! BUBBA is waiting!!

4:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that all of you people are pathetic. To think that you would pass judgement on Annette and Dave's kids, who btw have nothing to do with their parents business, least of all Derek, abhors me.
I understand many people feel hurt by the Hagan's, but their children should not pay for their sins.
If any of you has an iota of morals, you would leave them out of this. If you actually knew Derek, you would know that he is an artistic soul, and you are the monsters in this world that squash people like him. He doesn't deserve your ridicule.
And just in case you think I am just some random person, think again, I have known Derek since he was a baby, and I REALLY know him, not like you random bunch of loser internet bloggers!
I also know that you probably won't publish my comment, because it doesn't fuel your agenda.

3:39 PM  

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