Saturday, October 10, 2009

Derek Hagen married

And to a woman (I think), and not to a donut!

The big question is, was David Hagen there? Oh wait, no, he's in jail on multiple counts of fraud, money laundering, securities fraud and generally being an asshole.

The amazing thing is that Annette was there. Inked up, ridiculous fake boobs and whatever new boy toy she's got banging that tired body apparently didn't exclude her.

In typical Hagen "style", Julia Karcher and Derek Hagen's wedding on Saturday September 19, 2009 at The Castle McCulloch in Jamestown, NC. The ceremony was held at 11am alongside the lake next to the castle.

The Bridal party came into U2's "Beautiful Day" and the ring bearer came into the Star Wars Dark Vader Theme while holding onto a lightsaver. Julia and Derek walked into Counting Crows "Accidentally in Love" followed by their first dance by Marc Cohn "True Companion". Julia danced with her father, Robert, to Jessica Simpson's "You don't have to let go" while Derek danced with his mother, Annette, to Bette Midler's "Wind beneath my wings". Julia's Papa, Robert, gave the blessing before the luncheon buffet was served with all the sweat tea one could ever imagine.

The Maid of honor, Jackie Karcher, and bestman, Leland Parker, gave toasts that had everyone cracking up. Even Julia's father, Robert, gave a hilarious thank you toast that started off by saying "When I first met Derek, I thought he was the school janitor". The cake cutting was cut to Pat Benetar's "Hit me with your best shot".

Take a look at the cake topper on their wedding cake. It was AWESOME! The girls came out to Cyndi Lauper "Girls just want to have fun" while Derek took off the garter to "Mission Impossible" and threw it to the guys while Queen's "Another one bites the dust".


Anonymous Anonymous said...

any word on andrea????

4:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One big fucking unanswered question, where'd they get the money for this?

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bahamas? france? Google? Skype? Mason jars in the backyard? Oh no wait...stefanik has the backyard.

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

derek is a famous comedienne. or he sold his sword collection. or howell wolz put some cash in.

4:00 PM  
Blogger ex-GTX said...

Comedienne is the feminine. Comedian is the male. I know how that can get confusing, especially with the bet that Derek hasn't seen his feet or his dick for years with a mirror or help.

4:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What does any of this have to do with GTX/Gatelinx/VSTC, et cetera? Will you one day post about their grandkids, or (gasp) their friends from kindergarten going to Magic Mountain?

In all likelihood, your great-great-great grandparents were slave owners, or nazis, or marxists, or maybe something much worse. What does that have to do with you? What does the Gatelinx saga have to do with Derek and his bride? Oh, that's right, Derek must have been part of the scam all along when he was 12. Of course, that's it! In all reality you probably had more to do with Gatelinx/GTX/etc. than Derek (being that you label yourself as ex-GTX and all).

Call me a "Hagenite" or whatever else you may decide to bash me with, but in the end rational thought cannot be belittled by childish namecalling.

P.S. For those asking where the money came from for the wedding, isn't it tradition for the bride's family to pay? I don't know if that's true in this case, but it'd be a much more logical answer than "Mason jars."

8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Been following on and off again. Who are you?

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah dude, why pick on someones kids? That is just out of line.

5:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom O'Hanlon!!! I would recognize your work anywhere! What happening man!!

9:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

kids are fair game when they knowingly and publicly participated in the fraud. Derek got paid by Gatelinx, got cars, he=is dad dumped art of his world class sword/armament collection to Derek (to obviously hide assets), Andrea got cars, trips to NY, designer cloths,. her apartment in La Jolla and who nows where all the money really is. The kids do, they were part of it.

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wasnt Tom O'Hanlon. Although I'm not sure Derek really deserves the attacks. I'd only be guessing at his culpability in this. I'd imagine the family was/is thoroughly investigated and haven't seen where they've been charged with anything. Wasn't sentencing supposed to be November 2nd?

2:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, what's going on with the sentencing????!!!! Thought you were always on top of this stuff-you've had this blog all this time and await the day he is sentenced but can't get off your ass to post it-loose interest?

10:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, let me get this straight? This all started with, as I remember it: Shelly and Lance and Dudak and Charles and an idiot named lemonjello and a Brian. Then there was some listings and some classifieds, then some direct mail? Then some Radio and TV? and a bunch of questions in between? All you people are still worried about me and my ideas so many years ago? are you kidding me? I barely even remember stefanik. Please don't insult me by using my name here.

Tom O'Hanlon

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

he cut a deal ya'll lol

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Little Dereck Hagen deserves no sympathy. The daughter - that's another story. That little fat asshole paraded around bragging about the Sandhills about himself and his little butt buddy Leland about all of their money *THEY* were making at Gatelinx while still in high school and how they honed there skills to hack their private schools IT system for grade changes. He enjoyed all of the profits. these Ill-gotten gains paid for Derecks Hummer that he drove to his private school - meanwhile, telling everybody that he hated his father while sanctimoniously flaunting the cash for his own cocaine and pot stash. It was the only way he had any friends at the O'Neal school.

The wedding was the kicker! He proudly paraded in his tramp of a mother like nothing ever happened. He is definitely his mother's son. Just as guilty, cutting the losses once the father got nabbed. The poor family whos daughter married him has no idea how they just got conned. They will once the money dries up and his mother goes to jail. Derreck is not capable of having a real job or career. At least Andrea has the fathers brain. Hopefully she will have ethics and use it for good. ANdrea - saty the hell as far away as you can from the rest of that cancerous family.

David Hagen - May you die in prison of septic shock culminating from a perferated colon from too much recpetive anal sex from an oversized unlubricated cock.

Annette Hagen: May you die slowly of complications of leakage from the leaky breast implants you received. May the needles injecting botox into you contaminate you with Hep C.

Dereck Hagen: Keep gaining that weight. May you live out your days in ER's getting substandard health care for your adult-onset diabetes. Enjoy the Medicaid shit head.

7:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This blog is so important. It's essential that we all let out all of our justified anger and compensate for our lack of interesting lives. I know that -- for me -- holding grudges and taking shots at people's children makes everything in this world that much better. I mean, I have sunshine pouring out of my rectum now that I can troll on this valuable and integral piece of historical documentation. THANK YOU SO MUCH for hosting this blog and THANK YOU EVEN MORE to everyone who encourages the author to continue writing these hard-hitting journalistic pieces. What's even better is that he doesn't even need an editor for it. Some might say, "Good sir, you diminish your argument by having your words riddled with grammatical mistakes and complete lack of syntactical sense." But our author thinks from the gut and conjures his words from his vengeance-frothing feelings. Some might say, "But sir, by only expressing your seething emotions, you come off like a spoiled infant with a burgeoning victim complex who no longer has any place to complain or moan about something that has long been over. You should stop before you come off like a raving lunatic who has nothing better to do than snipe at others who had absolutely no involvement in anything that happened. Stop. Stop, you excrement-spewing, ignorant, has-no-place-even-online-to-speak, brat." Nay. Our author knows that his unjustified and misplaced hatred is vital for the world to hear. And what better place than this Roman Forum of loci,
Thank you dear author for your brave and bold words. You should stay feeling snubbed and devastated forever and not move on to generally better mental health. Seriously. Your grudge sustains you that maturity ever will.

3:21 PM  

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